Monday, 30 August 2010

day one afternoon class notes


successful indicator of a mediation's success
the willingness of the parties

insist upon being adverserial
hilarity

negative perception to conflict
engage curiosity the other piece
effective conflict resolution---you get do-overs

emotion over skill
capacity to come back

avoidance perfectly good strategy

trust transparency
harnessing strengths
challenging of reality
humility
trust transparency
challenge
real life application
harnessing strengths
question authority
being pushed
paradigm shift
understanding
encouragement
paradigm shift
advocacy
creativity
using visuals
advocacy

immediate application in life
hands-on

research methodology
safespace for risk taking caring
fun
relationship
challenge
subjectivity
respective
applicability

adult learning theory has gained credibility
yonger profs at PSU
newer thinking

academia
professoriate
itellectuals excel at their field not nec.  effective teachers----people with doctorates
idiot savants

overdeveloped frontal lobe
can’t tie their shoes
really smart people are unskilled in those ways
test phobias

keep scholarship
teach without testing
radical pedagogy
engaged
critical

relationship
live in a different way
boost self esteem
safety
whole new field
interpersonal neurobiology

higher
reptilian

when afraid a lot we
never develop the circuitry---to the higher thinking functions
if we aare afraid we can’t be serious
engage cognition
alternatives

perfect example
deescalate that child’s fear of reading

stutter

corelation
re education and our role as a student

talk about the readings

linear idea of conflict
trajectory
resolution wanted immediately forget and move on
ongoing phenomenon

marriage
expectation
nonlinear cultures spiral---

human needs theory
needs wants

FAE
fundamental attribution error

conflicts based on thinking pattern

fantasy of why someone did something

pdf---single spaced to give blindness---implies malice---

person is not even thinking about him---he turns it into an affront---pre-jugmental error--

contextualized in someone’s experience---
therapist sets up a safe atmosphere to discuss

very safe questions
multiple lenses---address the immediacy of the conflict---good synthesis

dialectical thinking---multi-facetted jewel--exist harmoniously

high risk communication blockers
friend or coworker
brother sister
disconnect from the trajectory of information
order people threaten people
judge
praise
call names
divert
reassure
transformation
logical arguing
moralizing
threaten
order

name calling
diagnosing
perfectionist, pessimist
reassure: everything will work out
divert:  did i tell you about the grasshopper who walks into a bar . . . .

best of intentions . . .

oppression means a whole system

logicentric culture

logical workthru emotions

not the same as a systemic oppresssion . . .

the article speaks to both the underlying interests
they upset the apple cart
help us understand the apple cart

experience of seeing derail process

empathy
marshall rosenberg---i stmts transformed into nonviolent communication system

unsatisfying

foist our brilliance on to others

interfere with our transformational process
our own needs met--anxiety level

ratchet down

empathy
strategies
spotlight on the person who is hurting
well that happened to me---it normalizes the situation but it takes the spotlight off the person in pain

misdirected attempts to placate pacify or console

educate storytell
interrogate explain correct----negate their experience---

give them the space to feel what they feel . . .  helping that person be heard . . .

if someone asks what are your underlying interests

nonviolent communication
subliminal stimuli

basic needs
mutual valueing of needs
happiest when giving from the heart
natural needs
system
four steps
key distinctions four step fool proof  than i statement
one observation
feeling
three need
four a request
at least two or four courses in nonviolent communication

forty five minutes
nonviolent communication


an observtion
trigger for a reaction
it never ever includes never always etc . . .
lose worthy opponent---identify feelings interp from thoughts feelings--- i feel like  . . .
pitfalls in i statements
rejected victimize blamed


happy feelings/sad feelings

when this event happened i felt this way bc these needs were met or not---would you be willing to do something for me . . . connect requests for clarity . . .

know that you have been understood . . . different not a demand---so all of this being said---it can be effective in a variety of ways---create clear and non-confrontational confrontation

effective communication

to use it more fluidly without a formulaic approach

link to needs
really frustrated or angry
contribution
compassion
what they’ve done is not just guess at it
inadvertently validates the process

conflict resolution

cannot force them to engage

if you dont want human interaction---it cant be forced upon you---with an outside situation---putting yr own needs on hold----
make sure sitting down with the seatbelt on
still care about their feelings---conflict is difficult----

mediation texts  gives a good description of conflict---formal mediation process---
step outside cycle of blame
hello a convivial gesture . . .
emotional imbalance . . .

fundamental attribution error

weight lifter wants to fight a mom in traffic

volatile conflict
is there something we can do for needs to be met---hurt or sad or frustrated---validate their emotional process---then you can understand what they have to say . . .

real pain
hard not to have yr needs met
empathy

if you are bothered by a person how can you sound authentic without judgment coming out . . . there are times when you do . . .
we presume that other people’s needs are important . . .

twenty reasons . . . the advantage of having facitlity experience and the other underlying needs . . . women taught to cater to other’s needs first . . .

tonight a first reflection paper reflections---conflict transformation article the story for tomorrow

1-2 pages double spaces

a test to assess conflict style . . .
print in your results after this test

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